Pirates of the Caribbean Gone Wrong
by bamboozled
Summary: Did I go crazy with this? Most defiantly. Jack was ONLY trying to eat his sandwich when he ran into some evil nasty seagulls. (worth a read)


"Pirates of The Caribbean Gone Wrong"  
  
by Ariadiliel aka the Vampirate  
  
***  
  
It was the BEST of times, it was the WORST of times.  
  
It was just a normal day in the House of Allergies, people were sneezing, people were wheezing, people were DYING. It was just PERFECT.  
  
It was back in the 17th century, and there were lots of DISEASES by the way. But it was in the Caribbean that this story takes place.  
  
The waters were CLEAR and UNPOLLUTED. There was some fish. (And sharks.) And a HUGE pirate ship with black rags tied all over it, and there was this pirate captain named JACK SPARROW.  
  
". . . yo ho-ho. . ." he mumbled cheerfully. He was eating this salami sandwich that he stole from Elizabeth's house, when this GIGANTIC VICIOUS RABID UNCONTROLLED AMBUSHING SNEAKY GOOD-FOR-NOTHING GOSH DERN SEAGULL ATTACKED!!! Well, actually it was a mutant crossbreed of a pelican and a seagull, and it SWOOPED down and flew into Jack's head, knocked off his hat and took the SALAMI. ONLY the SALAMI. (Did I mention that this takes place in the Caribbean?)  
  
"Absolutely CARNIVOROUS. Really bad eggs. . ." Jack mumbled and THREW the bread at Will Turner.  
  
"What the. . . ?"  
  
"JACK? Was that MY salami sandwich?" Elizabeth yells. From ASHORE.  
  
"Yo yo yo, what's up?" Mr. Gibbs said. "Yo, got some bling-bling to spare? How 'bout dat medallion coin trinket thing?"  
  
"Yeah, down in the hood . . ." Jack said. "The water is POLLUTED!"  
  
"DEATH TO CORSETS!!!" who else but Elizabeth screams.  
  
"That demned SEAGULL HAS ME HAT!" Jack yells.  
  
"AND my donkey!" Will yells.  
  
"AND THE RUM!" Jack yells, "DRUNKEN SEAGULLS!"  
  
"TAKE MY CORSET! TAKE MY CORSET!" cried Elizabeth. Jack raises an eyebrow.  
  
"AND MY BLING-BLING!" Mr. Gibbs yelled.  
  
"GIVE ME MY RUM!"  
  
SUDDENLY, this EVIL DEMONIC DARK BLACK fog stuff comes in and engulfed the whole shore.  
  
"I need fog lights fer me ship." Jack mumbled.  
  
"AIEEEEIEIEIEIEIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Elizabeth screeches, deafening everybody in the Caribbean and in Mexico. "JACK! IT'S THE EVIL DEMONIC DARK BLACK SPIDER MONKEY NAMED JACK!"  
  
"OH NO! NOT THE EVIL DEMONIC DARK BLACK SPIDER MONKEY NAMED AFTER ME!" Jack screams. "DRUNKEN SEAGULLS!!!!" Elizabeth APPEARS on the ship.  
  
"Hi!" she gets in his face and says. "I hate Will, don't you just HATE Will? He ate my sandwich, didn't he? DIDN'T HE?"  
  
"Uh. . . " Jack again. Will APPEARS on the ship. If he wasn't ALREADY on it.  
  
"Don't be a hater Elizabeth." Will says quietly and runs around because now Elizabeth is pursuing her prey with a SHARP POINTY object, probably a knife or a SEAGULL.  
  
"Now kiddies, it's time for 'Cap'n Jack's Words of Advice'!" Jack interjects, moving his hands all around.  
  
"And what's this WORDS OF ADVICE?" Will yells, Elizabeth is probably WONDERING, PONDERING this SAME thing, but she cannot breathe due to spontaneous combustion of ALLERGENS in the HOUSE OF ALLERGIES!!! That and her BLOODY CORSET!  
  
"DON' RUN WITH SHARP POINTY OBJECTS IN YER HANDS OR ELSE YE'LL HAVE T'GET A WOODEN EYE!!!" Jack nods and throws rocks and the EVIL DEMONIC SEAGULLS.  
  
"Wait, we forgot about the EVIL DEMONIC SPIDER MONKEY NAMED JACK!??" Mr. Gibbs inquired. "Pirates! Pirates!" (He throws a little hissy fit.)  
  
Then the rare, CARIBBEAN PIRANHAS that ATE the author's SANITY, APPEARED AND STARTED DEVOURING CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW'S UNCURSED DEMONIC PIRATE SHIP with black rags tied to its mast.  
  
Spider Monkey Jack learned how to TALK AND READ with "Hooked on Phonics". So he's pretty dangerous. ("'Es got big teeth!")  
  
Jack is now in his CABIN trying to use "Hooked on Phonics" so he can be SMARTER AND BETTER than that MONKEY.  
  
"A. . .uh G. . ." Jack begins. . .  
  
"NO NO NO! THAT'S ALL WRONG!" Elizabeth pouts. Jack stares. And redoes his EYELINER.  
  
-OH JOY-  
THE ENDED  
  
***  
  
Please Take Note:  
  
1. Don't drink and write and watch Johnny Depp. It's not recommended.  
  
2. The author is not responisble for any injuries you may have caused yourself while trying to make heads or tails of this magnificently written work of literature.  
  
3. Don't eat salami at the beach.  
  
4. Don't try to be me, it's very hard, I know because I've tried. 


End file.
